best of issue

Psalms for What I Was Not Allowed to Be

to think of everyone i’d ever loved,
waiting for the water to boil, each name a hymn i was told to forget
to tear the cushioned husks, unveiling what God once called hidden
relentlessly reminded the corn is written through the fibers of its being

there is condensation in my mouth as wet papercut memory ignites heat
i dreamt i deliberately declined heaven to see where my soul would fall
it left me, wandering where consequence and exile braid together

in the humid nights of June i held it in my very hands, trembling in sin
a burning sensation lost me in scripture of loving the wrong, a sinful path
the blasting boils within left me vacant, burns etch slurs into my chest
what has been done is disgraceful, a body confessing before no altar

i germinate my idols, praying for amnesia, i suffocate without mercy
the water splatters as death in volcanic silence, anointing my limbs
basting my soul with heat like trial through prideful repetition
which the dying noticed, whispering psalms over blameless memory

the depths of hell are tides in my skull dragging every prayer under
i am "fixed" under paperweight gravity, as if pinned beneath doctrine
i hope i will learn to bear the pits of burning without losing my soul
to learn the easiest fall is the nearest body, temptation shaped like grace

a growing hole, shrinking mouth i fast until the water finally boils
Charlise Ebeid, IL, Lyons Township High School